Ahoy there me hearties!! One-eyed Red’s in th’ Galley, and has a lovely mutton stew simmerin’ on the stove. I’ve laid by plenty o’ rum fer grog, and a few casks o’ special drinks fer special happenin’s.
Aye m’crew I’ve another keg o’ Lemurian Brandy, actually two, one is spiced for the comin’ Yuletide. We canna ha’ th’ Yule wi’out a Wassail as well.
Now there!! Step lively an’ keep th’ food well awa fra’ th’ pissoir, less’n ye’re wantin to be leanin’ over yon rail and feedin’ the fish yer dinner.
Aye, I’ve heard th’ blather that ’tis’nt dangerous t’ mix the mess fra’ th’ pissoir wi’ yer food. Th’ bloomin’ landlubbers don’ know their arse from a hole in th’ ground!! I’ve seen hearty lads succumb to th’ yellow jaundice, and take half th’ crew wi’ ‘em, when the pissoir is t’ close t’ th’ foodstuffs!!
How does I keep th’ water s’ fresh? Good question lads! Afore I put a good bit o’ spring water in the cask, I boils it, in and oot, then, while it’s still warm I rub the whole thing wi’ cakes o’ beeswax. On the outer sides I use beeswax wi’ bay and chili t’ keep rats an’ such out o’ th’ water. That’s how. Oh, an’ I strains the water through layers of fine muslin when I puts it in th’ casks. Wi’ th’ beeswax, and th’ strainin’ th’ casks’ll be good for many journeys, instead o’ just one time.
I do th’ same wi’ th’ casks o’ dried fruit, and meats. It is how I keep th’ weevils out o’ th’ flour as well. Now ye know that th’ small casks an’ such are medicines t’ keep ye lads well. Take them directly t’ th’ galley, aye, there’s a place all set fer ‘em.
Not only do I ha’ the rum and brandies, I got me hands on some fine Irish ale, a good stout brew, that’ll be a right treat wi’ dinner a time or three. I’ve brought plenty of things for makin’ sweets. I thinks a ship sails happier wi’ sugar in her crews’ bellies. Oh, aye, I’ve some lovely fruitcakes, steepin’ in a fine old rum.
O’ course lads, t’ ha’ a proper Yule we needs Wassail, spiced hot rum, and fruitcakes. Yes me lads, I’ve th’ makin’s fer some fine plum puddin’s. Nay, t’night the sweet will be spiced oranges in a brandy sauce.
Aye’ just like the Lords and Ladies in th’fine houses o’ London an’ Ed’nburrah. I have somethin’ new to try laddies, it comes all th’ way from the Red Indians in th’ Americas, it’s somethin’ what’s called pemmycan, or somethin’ like that. Aye, I’ve tried it’ m’sel’. Now I’ve never used something on’ m’ lads what I didn’t try first!! This is passin’ good t’chew on, but if ye soak it in some ale it’s a right treat of a stormy night.
Now lads, if’n yer not on duty, why not bring yerselves an’ any instrument y’play belowdecks, a good sing always makes fer a good sail. Oh aye, aye, we’ll be singing ‘Fiddler’s Green’…
“Now Fiddler’s Green
Is a place I heard tell.
Where Pirate crews go,
If they don’t go t’hell…”
I’ll go ha’ me a pipe in the galley, and then join y’lads. Step light now, we dinna want t’ wake yon bats in th’ holds. Nay, th’ bats aren’t bad luck less’n ye get th’ hives fra’ th’ guana they leave aboot. Yon creatures eat th’ bugs, an’ that keeps em’ out o’ th’ food.
Did you put th’ bay leaves and marigolds in yer beds? That’ll keep th’ bedbugs an’ fleas at bay. Would I be kiddin about that m’boys??
Have y’ learned nothin’ fro’ th’ Black Death, I tell ye, I do believe ’twas th’ fleas what spread it, th’ fleas on th’ rats. An’ why were ther s’many rats?? On account o’ some fools claimin’ cats were th’ get o’th’ Divvil an’ killin’ most o’ them. Wi’ no cats t’kill th’ rats they were everywhere. Bloody idjits!!!
